That’s not food, Jimmy Dean


Jimmy Dean and Elvis

Jimmy Dean (left) poses with some other guy | Photo from Music Row

I’ve put the recipes aside for today, and want to focus my microscope on an issue that’s been plaguing the American food industry.

There’s long been a problem in this country with non-portable breakfast foods.  Sure, we have yogurt, granola bars and bagels, but none of them clog my arteries the way I crave.  It just seems like every time I want to eat something filling, I have to make it and then sit there and eat it.  What a hassle.

I wish there was a way that I could wake up, unwrap some plastic and nuke me a breakfast that I could eat without getting a plate dirty.

Jimmy Dean, apparently, has been working to solve this problem.  Their regular sausage products were fine and successful, but they’ve been pushing tirelessly to capture that I-wish-this-came-on-a-stick demographic.  And now we have it, Jimmy Dean’s Pancake and Sausage on a Stick.

Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sticks

Jimmy Deans Delicious on a Stick | Photo by Jimmy Dean

Wrapping a frozen sausage in a frozen pancake is gross a perfectly reasonable breakfast food.  But our intrepid explorers at Jimmy Dean couldn’t stop there – sausage in a maple pancake on a stick is too mundane, so they now offer “Chocolate Chip Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick” as well as “Blueberry Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick.”  And if you still want the stomachache without the stick, they also come in stick-less “minis.”  It’s make a great appetizer for a party where all of your guests hate food.

Inside View

So gross I almost couldnt post it | Photo by Southpaw Beagle

Jimmy Dean, in their corporate quest to appeal to the country’s youth, has fully integrated their website into social media.  And while I forgot to promote them on my Facebook page, I did pull out one pretty insightful comment from a loyal fan.

Jennifer Shaw writes:

“I LIKE THE SAUSAGE PANACAKES BUT I WOULLD LIKE THEM HAVE THEM IN CHICKEN OR TURKEY  I AM TRYING TO EAT HEALTY  THANK YOU VERY MUCH  JENNIFER SHAW”

Right on, Jennifer.  Go healthy with the Chocolate Chip Pancakes & Chicken Sausage on a Stick.

For the record, each “unit” (pancake and sausage, probably not the stick) contains 230 calories, 13g of fat, 8g of sugar and 30 minutes of self-loathing.

Jimmy-Dean-Breakfast-Bowl-Sausage

Chock full o fat | Photo by Jimmy dean

But nothing tops Jimmy Dean’s other breakfast gem – the “bowl.”  They come in all flavors, but the worst best one looks to be the “Jimmy Dean Sausage, Eggs, Potatoes and Cheddar Cheese Breakfast Bowl.”

It comes in a bowl, so you can skip that step.  And you don’t even need a fork, just jam your face into it.  There’s not a lot to say about this one, except don’t eat it.

It puts up some impressive numbers, though.  It clocks in at 390 calories, with 123% of your daily cholesterol (see, it saves even more time – you’ve already got cholesterol credits for tomorrow).  It’s also got 52% of your daily fat intake, and 65% of your daily saturated fat.

Bowl info

Jimmy Dean Breakfast Bowl (Sausage) Nutritional Information

Yum yum yum.

Keep it up, Jimmy Dean.  Now that Chocolate/Pancake/Maple/Sausage sticks and bowls of fat are acceptable breakfast foods, there’s really no limit to where you can take us.  The future is in your hands.

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5 responses to “That’s not food, Jimmy Dean

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